All of us have down days at times. These might be triggered by an external trauma, a curt remark by a family member, or sometimes they just seem to happen for no reason at all. On these days, we need to have a routine that will help us pull ourselves out of the funk we're in so we can go about our day. Here are several techniques that will help. All of them are good for fostering a peaceful, positive attitude.

Smile

Research has shown that smiling can change the chemistry in your brain just like an antidepressant. It's an instant antidote to despair. Scientific evidence also shows that when you smile, others will perceive you as being more attractive, intelligent, and assertive. Smiling is an all-around positive to include in your life. If you have a hard time remembering to smile, hold a pencil between your teeth. This action forces your smile muscles to operate and will give your brain a positive boost. Then, if someone asks you why you have a pencil between your teeth—voilà! You can explain the smiling concept to them, and you've just added positive energy to the world by giving your secret away to someone else. So, smile. It's the best antidepressant around.

Breathing

Deep breathing can reduce your anxiety and stress. When you are aware of your breathing, it takes your mind off whatever you're worrying about. It clears your head and flushes the anxiety from your body.

Slow and steady breathing can change your heart rate. Your heart will pump slightly faster as you breathe in, and it will slow down a little when you exhale. This type of breathing can lower your heart rate altogether.

Breathe in slowly to the count of four, then release your breath to the count of eight. Be aware of your breath, the magic of breathing, and feel gratitude for its life-giving properties.

Mindfulness

For me, relaxation comes when I smile and breathe. Just put your attention on your body as a whole and let it relax as you breathe out. As you do that, focus on something in the immediate environment.

As you notice your body and your surroundings, your attention is diverted from your worrying or anxious thinking. Your mind may want to continue its worrying, but choose to keep your attention on your immediate experience. Then continue this diversion by choosing to focus on something constructive and positive. Internalizing the good. We all notice the good around us. A dog leaping for a Frisbee in the park. A mother hugging her child. A sailboat whooshing across the water. A pine tree bending in the wind.

Take a little time with each positive image you come upon. Spend ten or twelve seconds with a mindful moment. Enjoy it. Soak it in. Each of these upbeat pauses can pull you from the negative into a positive state.

Mantras

Mantras are repeated phrases or messages of truth. These can be your own personal sayings or wise words from authors you admire. I find it useful to create my own mantra or use one I already like to counteract whatever my negative thoughts are. Just take a deep breath and come up with a few words that can be said or thought in the space of the next breath. Say the words mindfully over and over.

It's soothing to repeat the message.

• God, help me find peace.
• May my heart be filled with loving-kindness.
• May my heart be filled with compassion.
• May my heart be filled with forgiveness.

My husband of 54 years just passed away not too long ago. As a therapist, I've helped many people through the stages of grief and know them well, but when the love of my life died, I still found myself bewildered and in denial. Use the following ideas to help you grieve your loss.

Feel your grief:

Some people experience these stages of grief. Others heal their own way. Use them if they fit for you.

• Denial: This didn't really happen.
• Anger: How could God do this to me?
• Bargaining: If only I had done things differently, this wouldn't have happened.
• Depression: I'm going to feel sad the rest of my life.
• Acceptance: I have my precious memories so my loved one is with me forever.

We may feel that we didn't do enough to keep our loved one alive. We can possibly find ourselves saying, “If only I'd . . .” or “If I just hadn't . . .” We can't prevent trauma or tragedy from happening. Accept what has happened. You can't change it. Give yourself permission to grieve in the way that's best for you.

Surround yourself with family and friends. Let them comfort you. Right after a death or tragedy you can find yourself in a daze, unable to think or act to do the things necessary at the time. Keep a friend or loved one with you to help you take one step at a time until. You can't function without eating and sleeping. Do both!

After my husband's death, my son and his family helped me through this difficult time. My son helped with all the funeral arrangements and my daughter-in-law brought food. I needed both of them for a little while until I could do daily life on my own again.

Reduce anxiety and panic:

• Deep breathing techniques: breathe in and out slowly, filling your diaphragm with air.
• Daily meditation: study wise teachers or scriptures that bring you comfort.
• Be in the moment: Sit quietly, observe your arms resting on the chair. Be aware of your toes. Notice the rest of your body. Clear your mind and focus on the moment.
• Guided imagery: get comfortable and relax, breathe deeply, count to ten slowly as you picture yourself climbing a set of stairs and coming upon a safe place. Imagine your loved one in this place and talk with him or her about the death and separation. Tell them how you feel.

Death or tragedy will take you out of your routine and keep you from focusing or functioning. Let your guided imagery comfort you. So, I had to work my program—just like everyone else. I did my deep breathing and meditation daily. Guided imagery brought me comfort. Discuss what's happening with your loved one. It will bring you comfort and help you clear and focus your mind. Whenever I am lonely or miss my husband, I repeat this process.

Guard against depression:

• Keep a journal: You may write or keep a sketch pad close to record your feelings.
• Check your mood by recording your feelings in a color collage.
• Keep a gratitude journal.
• Plan a memorial service.
• Give service in your loved one's memory.
• Visit with your religious leaders or friends about your feelings.
• Join a grief group.

Decide what the next stage of your life will bring:

• Take some time to plan what the next stage of your life will bring.
• Don't be in a hurry.
• Listen to others' advice, but then decide for yourself what direction your life will take.

Since my husband's passing, I have filled my life with: hobbies, giving service to others, continuing to use my professional expertise as a volunteer, and traveling to see family and friends. I am still lonely at times, but I am making life work the best I can for the present.

When a tragedy or death has occurred in your life, there is emotional shock as well as some physical distress. Sometimes we are very good at sharing a problem on a cognitive level instead of looking at the emotional and physical grief that accompanies it.

The following meditation/visualization, along with physical exercise of your choice will help relieve your sadness and suffering.

1. Find a comfortable place to relax. It may be a recliner, a hammock—your choice.
2. Some people like music or aroma therapy to accompany their meditation—as you wish.
3. Breathe in slowly to the count of four, then release your breath to the count of eight—feel gratitude for its life-giving properties.

4. Visualize a safe place. It can be anywhere you wish. The beach, a park, a childhood home, a hospital, the forest, or even on a cloud. Find a place that seems safe for you.

   1. Spend some time there. Enjoy the beauty around you, including the smells, the sounds, the tastes, and tactile feeling. Use your senses to explore this place.
   2. Look around for a wise mentor. Is it a trusted friend, teacher, spouse, or parent? Get to know them and talk things over with them. Feel of their strength.
   3. You may want to heal by yourself. Feel the light and love in your safe place. Identify the healing that surrounds you. Soak in its goodness. Let the light penetrate deep into your soul. Share your feelings with the healing energy that envelops you.
   4. Stay as long as you like in this safe place. Get the energy you need from it for now. Come back again and again to find the healing energy.
5. Be aware of your breathing. Spend a few minutes to bring yourself back to the room.

6. Take time to assimilate the process you've been through.

   1. Write about it.
   2. Create a color journal of your feelings.
   3. Draw your safe place. Add to the picture each time you visit.

Release your residual emotions through any physical exercise of your choice.