Before we go on, let's get something straight: yes, sexting really is a problem. Experts estimate that at least 40 percent of teens are involved in sexting in some way. Some say that sexting is just innocent sexual exploration by teens. Normal adolescent stuff, right? Unfortunately, wrong. Sexting is fraught with emotional, mental, social, and even legal consequences. Consider these:

• Sexting is linked with anxiety, depression, and even teen suicide.
• Sexting reduces security and commitment and increases conflict in relationships.
• Sexting triggers the same addiction-forming release of dopamine as other addictions like drugs and pornography.
• Sexting can be illegal and, depending on the state, bring criminal charges of child pornography.
• Sexting has become a new form of cyberbullying and even blackmail.
• Sexting can begin as early as twelve years old, according to recent estimates.

When it comes to Internet safety, it's important to talk early and often. According to one survey, the average age that kids receive their first Internet-enabled smartphone is ten years old. And the average age of first exposure to pornography? Somewhere between eight and eleven years old, according to most estimates. So if you want to wait until your kids are in high school to talk about sexting, you're too late. We recommend beginning between ages ten and thirteen, depending on your child. Here are some tips to starting the conversation:

• First, make sure you're in a comfortable, private place where your child will feel safe to ask questions.
• Be open, sincere, and honest, and work to make the conversation as comfortable as possible. The more uptight you are about it, the more your child will be, too. Consider watching your body language so you are relaxed and open instead of closed off with folded arms.
• Express love for your child and confidence in his or her ability to make good choices. Help them understand that your desire to talk with them isn't because you think they'll do the wrong thing, but because you want to empower them to do the right thing. "Landon, we're so proud of you and the good choices you make. Remember when you put your cereal bowl in the sink this morning? That was so helpful to me! You have such a good heart. I wanted to talk to you about something that you might come across. I know you'll make the right choice, but I don't want you to be surprised if it comes up."
• Be positive. Help them know that their smartphone can be a wonderful tool instead of a source of conflict. "Brooklyn, we're so excited for your new smartphone. Isn't it wonderful that you can call us anytime? And I just love the meme you sent me yesterday! That made me laugh so hard. I want to make sure that you're able to feel safe while you enjoy using your phone. Something you might come across is …"
• Help them know ahead of time that mistakes can happen, and that you'll be there to help them through with love. The reality is that even the most well-meaning kids (and adults!) don't make perfect choices. Emphasize often that you're available to talk anytime, and that no matter what happens, you will help your child through any situation with love and compassion. "And Mark, I want you to know something else. If something does happen—maybe someone sends you a picture or even asks you for one—I want you to know that you can talk to me about it. You might feel embarrassed or worried about what I'll think, but I want to reassure you that my deepest desire is to help you, especially through the hard, embarrassing things. I've got your back."

Bully Protection

Here are some ideas to help you become your best self:

• Belong to school clubs or other after school activities and sports.
• Enjoy activities with friends that don't involve electronics.
• Spend time working and playing with your family.
• Join a community or church youth group and serve others.
• Be a good student.
• Develop your talents, such as sports, music, or art.
• Every night before bed, think of three good things you did that day.

Cyberbully Cure

Research says only fifty-percent of the kids who have been cyberbullied tell an adult. Be one of those kids. You'll feel so much better if you don't keep the secret. Secrets carry emotional power. Don't give the bully that power. Take it back for yourself

• If you get an embarrassing or sexting message, don't respond immediately.
• Take a time out and cool off.
• Show your parents, teacher, or a trusted friend.
• With the help of an adult, go to the police if necessary.
• Talk with other kids you trust about the problem.
• Listen to their experiences. You'll both feel better.